Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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