This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
