i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
