i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
