We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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