so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
