If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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