i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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