would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
