Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
