yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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