she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize