he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize