Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
