ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
