I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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