I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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