Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
