Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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