Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
