D3 body, D1 cock
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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