Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
