I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
