The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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