Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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