Little spoons don't ask big questions
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize