I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
