I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
