im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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