That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
