my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize