i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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