I got chris browned last night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
