If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
