i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
