get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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