She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
