hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
