I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
