I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
