I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
