and you said cock pushups were impossible
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
time to smoke my breakfast
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
