Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
