his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
