Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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