if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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