I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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