I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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