New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
