I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
