Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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