My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
