I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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