he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
