Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
