i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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