considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
