I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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