is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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