Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize