All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
