i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize