There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize