My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
