After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We left the knife in your bed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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