Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
