I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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