i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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