Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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