If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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