Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
