but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
