I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
