How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
