So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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