I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize